


On the edge of the abyss

by MartinusMiraculorum



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Missing Scene, Post-Mass Effect 2: Arrival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:16:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MartinusMiraculorum/pseuds/MartinusMiraculorum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard averted the Arrival. It might be a while before she knows exactly what it cost her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the edge of the abyss

**Author's Note:**

> I took some liberties here based on what I'd expect Shepard's ordeal in the Arrival DLC to actually do to her, both physically and psychologically. Also, Shep boards the Normandy via the ME 3 standard cargo ramp, not the ME 2 standard airlock. It worked better dramatically.

Shepard stumbled up the loading bay ramp, feeling the jolt as it closed behind her.

A small part of her, the part that wasn’t reeling from what she had just done, told her that was the first sign something had gone terribly wrong. Gilina Shepard wasn’t graceful by any means, but in front of her men and women, she was always dignified.

 

_You cannot stop the Arrival._

 

Of course, she had, hadn’t she? This one, anyway. Even so, the galaxy was running out of time.

She was almost unaware of Tali catching her, armor, weapons and all. The quarian was saying something; her helmet's voice box was flashing on and off. Tali had the most captivating voice sometimes.

She was dimly aware of other around her. Garrus stood not far off, concern radiating from him almost as fiercely as it did Tali. Miranda behind him, her cold eyes clouded with worry. She could even dimly see Jack, standing awkwardly at the back of the hangar, glancing uneasily at Legion.

“Keelah. Keeeeelah. Shepard, listen to me. Shepard. _Shepard._ Gilina, talk to me, please…” Tali’s voice sounded broken and frail.

“Tali,” Gilina gasped, trying to pull herself together. She felt tears welling in her eyes, and hoped her helmet hid them. Ever since Mindoir, she’d never allowed herself to be weak. She hadn’t cried at Akuze.

“Shepard, come on, talk to us,” Garrus’s voice rumbled. “What happened to you?”

Awareness came back to Shepard slowly, then alarm sent an icy chill racing through her. She shoved Tali off her to a noise of surprised protest, pushing herself and her sore muscles and half-healed wounds to her feet. Joker. She had to reach Joker, or they were all going to die.

One foot in front of the other, rising from her knees to her full height, stumbling, but never stopping. The last ounce of adrenaline flooded her system and she fell into the lift, crashing hard against the back wall, her hand flailing at the controls.

“Shepard, wait!” Tali cried from behind her, but the doors closed and she was moving.

Dimly, she was aware she didn’t know which level she’d chosen, but when the hatch opened and she saw the glow of the galaxy map, she knew providence had granted her one small favor.

Now she was running again, past a startled Kelly, past confused crew members who were not nearly as panicked as they should be. It seemed an eternity to her as she ran down the corridor to the cockpit, and she recalled that Rear Admiral on the Citadel from years ago, criticizing the Turian-derived layout of the ship’s CIC.

She grabbed the back of the pilot’s chair to stop her forward momentum. “Joker, get us out of here! Now!”

Her pilot responded instantly, not even asking why she was so insistent. But of course, he already knew; his scanners must have picked up the trajectory of the asteroid. She felt the force of the Normandy’s sudden turn and acceleration, and the doomed mass relay loomed closer. For an instant she thought Joker meant to ram it, that he had been Indoctrinated, that it was all for nothing, but he swerved along the length of the relay and then they were away.

Without pausing, Shepard ran back down the bridge. She had to see. She had to know.

She got there just as the Normandy decelerated into the nearest cluster. Were they far enough away? Had she doomed her friends and crew just as she had the 305,000 Batarians and slaves on Aratoht?

She heard the lift doors opening behind her as the system lit up. A shockwave rolled across the display, tags indicating the obliteration of communications relays and navigation buoys. It still didn’t seem real to her. 305,000 people should not die so _quietly_.

She _hated_ Batarians, had since she was a teenager and they’d come for her and her family and her friends and left nothing but corpses and burning rubble. Somehow that didn’t matter right now.

She turned away as the last satellite went dead. Tali was behind her, and this time Gilina did collapse, her ceramic armor crashing loudly against the ramp, jarring her bruised and bleeding body. She’d taken a lot of hits when Kenson’s guards brought her down, and still more in the ensuing firefight.

“Shepard, what happened? Please talk to me.”

“They’re dead,” Gilina whispered. “All of them. Dead. I tried to warn them. I tried…”

“You tried,” Tali agreed. But she didn’t understand. She didn’t know what Shepard had just done. If she did, she wouldn’t be clinging to her arms so hard it hurt.

“Three days,” Tali gasped. “Three days, no contact.” Her hands were shaking as they reached for the release points on Gilina’s helmet, ripping it off painfully and nearly hitting a very peeved Jack. Her gloved hands caught Shepard as she fell forward, one running gently over her face.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard said, almost reflexively. She wasn’t sure who she was apologizing to.

“Tali, look at her armor,” Garrus said from behind her.

“It has been severely compromised,” Legion agreed. “We detect fourteen separate entry points. Recommend immediate medical treatment.”

It was hard to tell through the clouded visor, but Tali looked alarmed. Someone was behind her now, hauling her to her feet. Thane, she thought.

Miranda stepped in front of Garrus, her eyes running over the battered armor. “Alert Dr Chakwas, now,” she barked at Kelly, who seemingly hadn’t moved since Shepard barrelled past her. The yeoman hadn’t been the same since the Mission, no matter what she said. Shepard couldn’t blame her.

“You’re safe now, siha,” Thane said tenderly. Tali was reaching for her again, but Thane carried her forward. Jacob was there too, lending his own physical aid.

“Damn, Commander, you had us scared there,” he said.

Jack nearly broke the door down slapping the access panel. Tali squeezed in beside her, grasping her shoulder. The gesture said, unequivocally, _I won’t leave you_.

Shepard almost smiled at that. Almost.

The adrenaline was gone, and exhaustion and shock was setting in. Her vision was blurring. Was she crying? She shouldn’t be doing that. Or was she just knocking on the door of unconsciousness?

Chakwas’s voice brought her back. “Tali, Garrus, get her out of that armor, I need to see the wounds.”

Her friend and her…lover? stripped her with remarkable speed, Garrus taking the chest plate, back-plate, shoulder harness, gloves, and gauntlets, while Tali tapped furiously on her omnitool, disengaging the locks on her legs and hips and gently prying off sections of blood-stained ceramic composite. It still hurt like hell, but the feel of the ship’s ambient air currents on her sweat-soaked jumpsuit was soothing. Garrus picked her up, not unlike how she had carried him out of harm’s way on Omega all those months ago.

Her vision blurred again. The last thing she saw was Tali’s shoulder, and then darkness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard awoke slowly, but once she had control of her faculties, she lurched upright. She felt fuzzy. And then she felt hands pushing her back down, and she panicked up until she saw the familiar and welcoming sight of Tali’s helmet. A part of her wondered if it was a trap, if she had been Indoctrinated, if the Reapers had caught them after all. She pushed it down.

“Shepard, please,” Tali said, her voice firm. “I can’t actually hold you down if you try to get up again. I’m not that strong.”

Gilina lay back, and tried to relax her muscles, and fight down the hammering of her heart. “Okay,” she croaked.

“Good,” Tali said, and for the first time since she’d gotten back Tali actually sounded happy. “Keelah, it’s good to have you back. I thought…I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“I’m here,” Shepard said, trying to reassure the young quarian. It was damned difficult when the guilt and shock was rolling back over her in waves. She rolled onto her side and retched.

“What’s wrong?” Tali’s voice was panicked again. “Doctor Chakwas!” she cried.

The ship’s medic was there a moment later. Or had she passed out again?

The orange glow of an omnitool surrounded her wrist. “She’s fine, Tali,” the doctor said. “Just shock, I imagine.”

Tali nodded. Her hand was still clasped around Shepard’s. The other hand ran lazily and soothingly through her hair. She was mumbling something under her breath. It sounded like a prayer.

“Commander, you took quite a beating this time. Fifteen separate wounds, two of them polonium rounds, one incendiary, the rest armor-piercing. And quite a blow to the back of the head.”

“Dr Chakwas thinks it’s amazing you weren’t severely concussed,” Tali added.

“Well, I haven’t ruled it out, especially after you nearly vomited right then,” Chakwas cautioned. “In any case, you aren’t moving from this spot for at least 24 hours. I’ve never applied so much medigel on one person before.”

“But the ship,” Shepard protested.

“Miss Lawson is more than capable of making sure Joker doesn’t pilot us into a sun,” Chakwas replied firmly.

Tali squeezed her hand again. “You were hurt, Shepard. Badly. We didn’t…we didn’t know if you were going to make it.”

“You suffered two abdominal wounds,” Chakwas explained. “The armor slowed the bullets down, but one of the rounds was coated in polonium. I had to flush out your system, and even then, it was as close thing.”

Shepard blinked at this new information. “I feel fine. A bit sore, but.”

“That would be because your system is flooded with antibiotics and anaesthetic agents,” Chakwas said. “You probably would be screaming otherwise. Even you, Commander.”

Shepard doubted that, but she appreciated her situation would be far worse. “Thank you,” she said.

“Of course, Commander. It’s what I’m here for.” She glanced at Tali. “I’ll give you two a bit of time before I come back to check up on you. I should inform the rest of the team. Particularly Jack, before she blasts a hole in the hull by accident. She’s been pacing furiously for at least three hours.”

“Nice to know she cares,” Tali said.

Chakwas turned around. “They all care, Commander.” And then she was gone.

Tali was silent for a long moment. Then she slowly bent over Shepard, pressing her helmet gently against Gilina’s forehead. “Keelah,” she whispered yet again. “You stupid bosh’tet woman. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

Her voice was choked, and she was crying. Shepard reached up and ran her hand along the side of Tali’s helmet, squeezing the quarian’s hand in return. “It’s alright,” she lied.

Tali met her eyes. “What happened, Shepard? I know that voice.”

Shepard closed her eyes. “They’re all dead, Tali. I killed them.”

“No, you didn’t,” Tali insisted. “It’s not your fault. That asteroid was coming fast, you didn’t have time to stop it. You just barely survived.”

Shepard felt anger building, and she tried not to vent it at Tali. She didn’t _understand_. “No. No, it was my fault. I tried to warn them but…I had no choice. There was nothing else…I had no _choice_ , Tali.”

Tali nodded quickly. “You had no choice,” she repeated.

“The Reapers were coming,” Shepard whispered. “I had to stop the Arrival. It all went wrong.”

“The Arrival?” Tali asked.

“Through the relay. We had to stop them. We had to…we had to destroy the relay.”

Tali stepped back. “No. No. Oh _Keelah_.”

“I’m sorry.”

Tali looked ashamed as she rushed back to Gilina’s side. “No, No. Damn it, I didn’t mean that. I meant…the Reapers are coming, now?”

Shepard nodded.

“You’ll stop them,” Tali said, unhesitating. “We’ll stop them. We survived Saren. We survived the Collectors. We _beat_ Sovereign and the Collectors. We’ll beat them.”

“At what cost,” Shepard mumbled, looking away. “What price is too high? How many people?”

“I don’t know,” Tali murmured.

“I’m…I’m not a good person, Tali,” Shepard said softly. “I know you think…”

“Shut up,” Tali said firmly, her tone brooking no argument. “Of course you are. This war is ugly, Shepard. I know that now. I remember the piles of bodies we’ve left strewn around the galaxy. And I. Don’t. Care.” She paused. “I care too much about you.”

Shepard smiled, but it stopped short of her eyes, “I care too, Tali.”                                          

She _had_ stopped the Arrival.

But it would be some time before she knew just how much it had cost her.


End file.
